Post 1 of 2: Grade my Elevator Pitch
June 17th, 2009A while back, I posted about my experience filming my elevator pitch. Compared to many people I had watched, I felt I had a finely hewn pitch which emphasized my strengths and showed where I want to go. About two weeks ago, the “final product” was loaded to YouTube and placed on the Blog for the New England Job Show. I have strong feelings about this video, but I’d like to gather your reactions first.
Please take a moment to watch and rate the video using the poll buttons below. Feel free to leave a comment on your reaction with more details as well.
>> VIDEO REMOVED, no longer on YouTube <<
I will post my own reaction in the next few days.
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It would help to know definition of “Production Values”.
I am not up with the idea of 30 second elevator being useful and think of it from the TV production direction. We used to do this at DEC in the 1980’s even for internal messages. I worked in Educational Services and had access to all the corporate studio and the creative talents of a professional marketing staff.
I may be able to find 30 second video clips in my media archives if you want to see any. I know I have a video resume from a TV editor that I will upload when I can.
The Job Show is reducing video production to a cookie cutter approach and removing all the power the video has to offer. Watch broadcast TV and see how many times you want to mute volume or miss listening to the sound while watching the image.
I will congratulate you on being one of the better presenters.
I view most as “deer in the headlights”. I see the image and am overwhelmed by the sound with buzz words I don’t recognize.
30 second to me is an Apple Commercial “Hi, I’m a PC. I’m a Mac…”
http://www.apple.com/getamac/ads/
or (quick Google search)
Excerpt:
http://marketing.about.com/od/marketingtipsandadvice/a/30seccommercial.htm
The objective of your 30 second commercial is to have 15 to 30 seconds of information that informs someone with the following information:
Who are you?
Who is your company?
What does your company do?
How can you help?
Why your prospect should act now?
I am finding a lot now that I look for “30 second commercial resume”
http://www.executivecareerinsights.com/my_weblog/2008/08/personal-brandi.html
has a podcast about “BRANDING” and I would like to see “Hi , I’m Rory Cullen” as the theme of the commercial not “I am looking for a job!”. The objective is to remember your name when they recognize your “value statement”.
I suggest a theme “I am Rory Cullen, and I provide JAVA solutions to business problems !” or what ever you feel is your tag line.
Again listen to the audio.
My resume says TV, TV , TV, TV in every job description. It offends the traditional cookie cutter resume writers.
I find myself obstructed with fitting in.
http://www.linkedin.com/in/leetdavy <- Pass it on !!!
http://www.eventvideo.com
Lee T Davy
leetdavy@eventvideo.com
Hi Rory, I think you are talking fast, but you have alot of relevant things to say, so with the given time, I guess you have to be quick. If you do it again, I would say to talk about evidence that you are a proven leader (i.e. saved money, increased profit…). I would say that viewers take you seriously and your appearance is good. You are direct in what you want, which is good. I like that you smiled at the end too, since you were talking quickly, it’s impossible to smile while saying all that.
So, overall, if you do hate it and do it again (I am not saying you should), include an accomplishment statement.
Everyone has a hard time watching their own and liking them. I hate myself on all the news clips and the success landing story… think I look funny, talk too fast, read my notes too much etc…
Don’t be so tough on yourself, but feel free to change it, but can’t remove from the actual show. And ask to see your longer one too.
Kristyn
Hi Rory. You’re a braver man than I putting this out for public comment, but I like the concept!!
My thoughts are about the branding of “process improvement specialist” and then going on to talk about SAS development. To me, as a process-oriented guy, this seems a disconnect between branding yourself as an accomplished development professional, and branding yourself as driving change in business process (in which development might be required). Mentioning 6 sigma seems the only passing reference to the latter type of process improvement. Maybe I’m not current on this, but did you apply six sigma in the development work?
I would echo the comments about adding more of a “so what” statement. I like most of the content, and would look to trim it slightly and slow down a little.
Good stuff overall, and again, you have my cudos and respect for your innovative approach!!
Brave or stupid…we’ll see. Thanks for the comments!
Thanks Kristyn, very helpful contributions!
Thanks Lee, interesting comments. Interesting too when comparing a business commercial to a personal, as they really should be similar.
Hi Rory;
You look good, production values are good.
I think you might come off a little stiff (sorry!) I think a little less information and a little more of your great personality would be better.
Maybe talk a little more about what you want to do?
I would also try to either move the copy more in line with the camera or try to memorize, you look a little distracted as you try to read the copy.
Good luck!
Stiff isn’t a good thing???
Agreed on all points.
think stiff as in mortuary.
i too noted the stiffness and think maybe trimming your comments would help with that and the talking fast. if i didn’t know you i might not have been able to take in much of what you had to say.
otherwise, bold move captain.
carey
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